Persona December 2016
What does constantly being hurt do to empaths?
Empaths learn quickly what being taken advantage of feels like and if we don’t lash out, we withdraw and minimize everything about who we are. We aren’t truly happy unless we can make others happy, so we learn to placate, which serves two purposes… it keeps us at arm’s length from others while barely allowing us to fulfill a piffle of what we truly need to thrive.
The best environment for empaths is one with mutual respect, freedom to do what we truly love doing, and doing it when we want to do it. We ultimately could have this, but that determines what we do with our dreams and abilities. For a lot of us, right now we are “here” and deal with it however we can. While I’m in transition of leaving my job and living my dream, I didn’t want to deal anymore, I wanted to change it altogether, and with full intention.
TRANSFORMING HOSTILE ENVIRONMENTS
[Experiencing hurt shouldn’t keep us withdrawn and cut off in a hostile environment]
Where I work is so harsh for me and I used to go home in tears most days. I adapted by staying in my cube the 7 hours I was at work and placating others to keep my own sanity. I felt small and unimportant, so that’s how I acted. I avoided drama and any negativity and that meant that I didn’t really speak to anyone.
I recently discovered how to come out of myself enough to Love others because healing is part of my purpose, but other than that, I didn’t want to be around people or at work.
The wife of a patient stopped me in the hallway and told me she was getting something about who I was. I felt a kinship and we ended up talking about a lot of cool things and she said that she felt I was here at the hospital because I had a calm energy and soothing presence and that I was here to heal. I agreed. She then said that I was here to diffuse tension and drama… and that’s where she almost lost me because I did not want to have to step out of myself and interact in this environment – I worked really hard to stay under the radar. I also didn’t like how my intuition was insistent that she was right.
It ended up being a timely message and a necessary one. I wasn’t fulfilling my purpose at my job and if I didn’t come out of hiding and change that… well, I didn’t want to find out.
I innately knew where to start and it was in my immediate area. There are 15 of us that work together in a file room and to be fair, even though I never said anything, my attitude towards the toxicity was just as negative, so, how to figure this out…?
What are my strengths and how can I use them to change things? I knew I was good at healing others [making them feel heard], I have a calm and peaceful presence, and when I want something I make it happen. Okay then.
I know how to lead myself to change so I did that, but on a larger scale. Every morning I’d come into work with the intent to create a space where the six of us [our cluster] could come and be safe, experience non-judgment, honesty and peace.
Since others have the right to accept or reject this, I wasn’t sure if it would work on its own. I knew that where I came into play was setting my focus on healing our hearts, not changing our behavior. I thought that would be the hardest part because none of us had anything in common and, who was I to lead anyone. I did what I knew to do every morning for myself, I just changed it to include and meet the needs of all of us throughout the day. I created a new environment conducive to change, and began focusing on sending my coworkers Love and peace. Each time I encountered them, I made sure to give my full attention and help however I could. Most times I just listened to them and dissolve the tension by transmuting it [anyone can do this].
After a couple of months, everything had changed.
Days that we came in pissed would diffuse minutes later and we were laughing and making fun of each other. We grew close and are good friends and protect and support each other. We aren’t perfect, but we trust each other.
One of my colleagues has changed drastically and it turns out that she’s an empathy, and another is psychic. I’ve changed a lot through this and discovered that just opening up and being myself about what I believe on things, but making it relatable to everyday life, worked to the benefit of the group because I actually did know things, and they listened.
I realized through this whole experience that, even though chaos is all around us, if you lead with sanity and stability, others will follow. I found that I lead best by supporting the decisions of others to live their own truth, however they see fit. Those are the matters of the heart.